An Interview with a Vamp–My Wife: The Lady I Adore. Sometimes From A Distance

So I thought I’d try something different and interview the person closest to me: my wife. It’s a candid, humorous look into her mind and was meant in part to help me study her. You should always strive to study your partner. I revel in the pursuit of knowing her better than anyone else with the purpose of serving her in more and more ways.

 

Here’s a glimpse into the life of the woman I love.

 

 

On Marriage:

 

What makes being a wife feel special?

 

 

I think knowing that I’m the one you choose to wake up with and go to bed with. On dates where we go for a big dinner or special occasion, I like that I’m not forced to wear makeup and get all dressed up. Some guys would push it on their wife, and make it a “Hey, is that how you’re going…?”

Trusting me all day, every day with our kid: That I’ll take care of him the right way, knowing how many snacks to give him, not overfeeding him when it comes to sweets—**Crashing sound interrupts midsentence**—[Raiden starts crying in the other room, walks over, Monica gives him a hug & a kiss, asking if he’s alright]feeding him first before feeding myself.

 

What advice would you give to any couple considering marriage?

 

Just know that bad times do happen. And more often than we’d like. But at the end of the day, God allowed you to marry this person and marry without postponement. You picked a day and that day came…you just need to push and remember why you married in the first place. You ARE meant to be…without interruption.

 

What is the best takeaway you have from watching your parent’s relationship as you grew up?

 

Always have your disagreements behind closed doors and don’t raise your voice (as much as possible). Don’t leave the house with a mad look… Let the kids know before you go you just need to get out for a bit. Even if you need to just get some air.

I’m sure my Dad left for a drive or my Mom went outside just to cool down….but we didn’t really know.

 

Why is that important to you?

 

You always read about things like kids who bring guns to school, and it always starts at home. If the parents are fighting, sometimes they feel like they’re mad at the world. …I don’t want to screw up Raiden.

 

What do you think is important to look for in a husband?

 

   Can he be entertained? Can I make him laugh? Does he have a spontaneous appetite like I do? Doing things like “restaurant hopping”? You know, going for burgers from Burger King, fries from McDonald’s, and a shake from Whataburger all at once.

   And the outside does matter. I know people try to say that (attraction) on the outside doesn’t matter, it’s what’s inside that counts…. But you need to be attracted to someone in that way. It makes me less tempted to have lust for sexy Chippendales-looking guys.

 

Now, this is a total Mexican thing to say: But does he get along with my family? Can our relationship grow like this? Or do I have to make extra, separate time for him and sneak away to be with my family? Can they spend time together?

 

On fitness:

 

Which band or type of music gets you ready for a workout?

 

That would have to be…Jason Aldean. Country. I love running to it. It just has an upbeat, party vibe that inside his music. Specifically, I like running to She’s Country (by Aldean).

 

What are some of your goals in regards to fitness?

 

I’d like to be able to run for miles and miles without gasping for air at the end. Getting to the point where working out is fun and less of a chore.; something you have to do.

 

What type of outdoor activities do you find yourself drawn to the most?

 

It’s been a long time, but I enjoy outdoor archery vs. indoor archery. Indoor shooting doesn’t get my attention as much as outdoor shooting does. It’s less realistic and doesn’t have all the fresh air that comes with it.

 

On relaxation:

 

What helps you wind down after a long day?

 

Well, I know what does, but I don’t think you can put it in your blog!

 

Sure, I can. Just tell me.

 

Honestly, stripping down and turning on the fan on full-blast. Oh, and with a nice glass of wine.

 

**She’s right…. I fully object to encouraging having the fan on full-blast. She’s a bit of an eskimo. But a naked eskimo. And that changes things.**

 

Is there a certain food or drink that you enjoy separately or paired together in your off-time?

 

Mm…Peter Piper Pizza with a Black Cherry Mojto. I’ve never had them together, but I would like to try that one day.

 

Tell me about the most relaxing experience you’ve had recently.

 

The therapeutic massage that my husband surprised me with. They forgot to give me the hot stone add-on, but all that aside, it was relaxing. Painful, but it seemed like my blood circulation flowed more easily, my knots were taken care of, and the music was perfect for the moment….a flute? Just the feel of soft, oiled up hands. It was too painful to fall asleep, but I wanted to.

 

**We were arguing that day. A lot. I came home after a jog and said, rather sternly: “LOOK… you OBVIOUSLY don’t understand how to relax or the value of relaxation. So I’m going to help you. At 6 o’ clock you’re going to a 1-hour massage with a Hot Stone therapy and I’m going to watch Raiden. You’re going to go early to fill out some forms. And it’s already paid for, so I don’t want to hear any and’s, if’s, or but’s about it.” **

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Something Angry, Something Pride, Something Argued, Something Bride

“Temper is what gets you into trouble. Pride is what keeps you there. “ -Anonymous

 

Picture this: You’re sitting down next to the woman whom you’ve forsaken all others for and you decide to remark rather offhandedly—by the way, please note that our remarkable English language has deemed it necessary to have such a word, one that describes both a complete lack of forethought and serves as a written warning that the road ahead in this story is indeed perilous and ornamented with danger.

But I digress…..so you’re sitting there and casually remark:

 

“Man, you know what I could really use? A new [insert general and non-specific noun]. Yeah, the next time we head to the motorcycle shop I think we should buy one. Maybe today, if you don’t mind, my most tempered and ever-loving bride.”

 

I don’t think this is verbatim, but you get the picture.

 

She retorts—“That’s funny.” (Was it?) ”…I’ve been asking you for months to fix my (insert car part here) and you haven’t lifted a finger. But all of a sudden your bike is more important and now everything needs to be done right away??”

 

“Whoa, now. I did say ‘if you don’t mind’. And you seem to be implying that I wasn’t open to both errands being run today for both vehicles. How about we get both errands done while we’re out and about?”

 

“That’s fine, Andrew.”

 

“It doesn’t seem fine.” —Notice the absence of provocation. I’m simply being thorough in ensuring my wife is wholly satisfied with the end product of this currently skirted argument.

 

“Yeah, I said it’s fine.”

 

*pause for effect*

 

“…It just seems like you weren’t really concerned about it until today when you needed something.”

 

There it is. A few back-and-forth’s, a few unsolicited clarifications later, and we’ve arrived at a little place I like to call: Heateddebatesville, Texas. Where it’s always sunny and tempers boil over.

 

But wait! What’s this? Wife-partner has made an unexpected play! Just as the big guns are about to come out (not literally), and the transition from implosion to explosion is about to unfold, she unexpectedly calls for a truce! A white flag of the “Look, it’s not a big deal. Let’s not fight, okay?” variety.

 

This is a problem for two reasons.

1.) I was just about to unleash a barrage of critical points that would have devastated her cause. And subsequently 2.) I’m so worked up I don’t know what to do with myself. This is where temper turns to pride.

 

Whereas a wiser man might have relaxed his grip and lowered his now-leveled barrel, I decided to go ahead give a lil’ crank-a-roo on my Gatling gun, anyway.

 

This is typically where you see the following fruitless responses:

 

“Oh, just like that? Just like THAT, huh??” –The I’m going to maniacally and rhetorically question this new-development…a lot method.

 

“NO, you started this, now finish it!”–The Arguments are like a sandwich and good meat is expensive approach.

 

“I knew it. You just can’t admit that you were wrong to begin with.” –Ah, the oft-used What a revelation. I wasn’t sure of my convictions till now, but this did away with my wishy-washiness. Thank you, my dear strategy.

 

Many a men have been known to try and navigate out of this Bermuda Triangle of love and marriage. Many have never been seen from again. Our moral compass tends to spin out of control at this point. Quite frankly, a few years later I can’t remember even half of what it was we were fighting about.

Our words of love and even righteous anger should be like your proposal, played out over and over during the course of your marriage and always presented with the utmost consideration towards reception and environment.

But I do know this: My pride has taken over where my anger should have burned out or bowed out long ago. It’s easy to let your commitment to an argument grow legs. How dare your spouse get you all riled up, just to call it all off in a moment’s notice! Ironically, a sudden change of pace is what you were initially looking for, but now that you’re fully invested in it, you feel like you have to experience that full release! The conflict arises when this Get-your-money’s-worth mentality starts to fuel a spat past the point of a healthy conflict–which promotes growth and accountability—to a place where bickering and verbal-sparring points are all that you’ll have left at the end of the day. Speaking from experience, it’s usually always better to make an extra deposit in the marriage bank and, in a few words, leave it alone. At least for a while.

 

Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” –Proverbs 29:11 NLT

 

That’s not to say that there won’t be a time where you feel a burning desire to get one more piece of valid, edifying advice in. But usually, the “real-talk” that we put so much stock into is worth enough to save for a later time. And it grows with interest. We marry for the “forever” of this lifetime, but argue as if it’s the last five minutes we’ll ever have again. Our words of love and even righteous anger should be like your proposal, played out over and over during the course of your marriage and always presented with the utmost consideration towards reception and environment. Easier said than done? Well, what isn’t? I can’t think of anything I’ve spoken into existence, today. Or ever, for that matter. Action will always be harder than thought. But extremely rewarding.

Patience in the heat of the moment. Humility through reflection. Tactfulness in the calm of a pause. Silence isn’t a weakness. These are tools of the wise. Forged in restraint and wielded to cut through a dense and tense situation to a clearing where you’ll have a more welcomed opinion. Even if that means reversing course and revisiting a point of contention at a later time.

With everything to lose and even more to gain, I would recommend trying this the next time you find a disagreement gaining momentum and reaching a sudden halt. Feed the fire of passion in your marriage rather than stoke the flames of anger and pride. And whatever you do, do it now.